Balancing this game with a busy life

[alec]

So over the winter I took up this game, and like most of you I was hooked. Driving 40 miles two or three days a week to my 'local' game store. But as winter became spring and spring became summer my time to play this game disappeared (along with my enthusiasm for Menoth- replaced by Circle). I have all kinds of work, family obligations, all my friends are home from their colleges- so parties, beach trips, and I have tennis, soccer, road races etc. etc. Gas money has also become bar money, and my budget for expanding my Circle collection has dropped to nearly zero.

But I'm sure I have more time being younger than most older players (I'm 21) and therefore having less responsibilities, so I was wondering- how do you balance this hobby into your life? How can I maximize my progression with Circle with less time? (switching from Menoth, which I was decent with, to Circle has left me with a terrible win/loss ratio). I have ambitions to do well at tournaments and be a respected player within my meta- but I'm wallowing in learning Circle too slowly.

Also, something I'm curious about, how open is everyone about their participation in hobbies like this? I am a closet gamer- a passionate one- but I sort of treat this as a guilty pleasure that little-to-no one from my daily/social life knows about. Is this common/looked down upon?

[AnotherMike]

Priorities are priorities. If you've got something you enjoy more than something else, then you prioritize accordingly. If you've only got enough dough for, say, either a video game or a new model, pick the one you prefer. It's a win-win scenario, don't look at this as something you *have* to do. If, over time, you find you miss WM/H and would rather spend the money on that then do so =).

As far as being a closet gamer, I was the same way for a long while. I had/have a super-nerd friend - asthma, thick glasses, socially awkward, the whole shebang. I noticed that he never really worried about how he was perceived and was happier for it. I resolved to learn the lessons life presented me and decided to be more open about my hobbies too. Some people judge, yes, but generally those aren't people I want to hang out with in the long run. You'd be amazed how many people have their own hobbies they feel they need to hide. WM/H can open discussions into all kinds of nerd-dom and awesomeness. As can any "closeted" hobby.

Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead and other movies) put it best.....

“Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It’s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating.”

[Errant_knight]

I don't have nearly the same amount of time as I used to to game. Working full time, married and a 1 and a half year old take up 95% of my time. However when I do get to go out I try to get as many games in as I can against people I know I will have fun against. I have never been a tournament guy(don't like the extreme competitiveness that some people bring) but I love a challenging game against a fun opponent.

Pretty much when you do find the time to game make sure it's always a positive experience and you will always want to come back for more.

As for the closet gamer thing...when you grow up a bit more(seriously not meant as a slight) you will see that the people that judge you for things you enjoy are people that you might not want in your life. True friends accept you no matter what.

[Syas]

Yeah, I am in the married/full time job/small child boat also. I usually have time for one game a week, and about once every other month I get to attend a tournament.

[Junn Khan]

Yeah, I am in the married/full time job/small child boat also. I usually have time for one game a week, and about once every other month I get to attend a tournament.

Similar to me, just graduated, got a new job, planning a wedding, means most of my fun times is spent with others, especially the fiance, and I count myself lucky if I get a game in a week maybe a tournie in a blue moon if I don't have chores, obligations, or work. But when I was younger, oh boy was I a regular at the game shop, and I was damn good at the game too.

Balance in life is one of those struggles we all face and it will get to you, the OP, sooner or later. Just make time to make time, circular but true, and try to enjoy life. You might loose your spot at top dog of the game store but there are many things in life better than that. The goal of the game is to win, but focus on the objective, to have fun.

[rivenwyrm]

One of the awesome things about WM/H is that once you've bought a model, you keep it. There's a 0% chance that you won't be able to come back to the game after a break (assuming locals to play with), and there's nothing wrong with getting out and doing other stuff. In fact, it can be good for your skill level and enjoyment of the game. There's nothing like a long absence to really give you the hunger.

I'm 24 myself, but I know a lot of guys who are 30+ who play once a week or once every two weeks. But they've been playing for 5 or more years. If you really enjoy the hobby, there's no end to it, even if you have to modify your pace.

As far as being a locally respected player, that comes from knowing your rules, playing hospitably, and making sure everyone at the table is having fun. That doesn't mean "going easy". On the flipside, it also means that if you're having a tough game (say, after having switched factions), you don't blame your dice or pitch a fit. Instead, try to learn from the game. The switch from PoM to Circle is a pretty big one, so don't worry about having trouble with that. You'll pick it up.

As for tournaments, that's more difficult. You can be an occasional player who's also good in the tourneys, but it takes a much stronger will to remember the rules and previous models. You can't become a great sprinter without developing big quads, no matter how naturally talented you are. The same applies here.

As the other guys say, there's nothing wrong with being a "closet" gamer, but good friends are ones who share some of your interests and don't care about the other stuff. Plus, you'd be surprised how many of your friends have probably seen/heard of/own miniatures. A friend of mine from way back I just recently ran into, who I'd characterize as pretty sport oriented (he's worked at a baseball shop for 4 years) bought some miniatures a year or two back just on his own. As well, 40K is a massively popular game, so a lot of my friends know about that if not Warmachine. Video games were a shunned behavior until pretty recently, but now everyone and their mother plays them.

[Murkhadh]

I basically schedule all of my time, I stay busy like you do but for different reasons, Its not parties and fun for me, its job 1, my business I run and being sure to make time to spend with my two kids ( and their mother too I guess, heheheh)

Most of my waking hours are scheduled. I know a week or two in advanced what days I'm working, what days I'm home with the fam and what days I'm gaming.

And I've never been closet about anything, everyone knows I "play with dolls" as a few of them like to tease me. I stopped caring what others thought about me years ago and in a few cases its pretty easy to talk trash right back. "oh I play with dolls, you go to duck-call competitions, what do u think you look like bobbing up and down on a duck call?"

[Ysthrall]

Luckily, I'm restrained by the availability of playing space/opponents. My LGS does one night a week for wargames, and I can sometimes find an opponent on saturdays, but that's about it. Barring a tournement every 6 months or so (I'm lazy when it comes to finding them/driving to them), I get about 2.2 games a week. If there was a larger club, open every night, a variety of opponents and relatively nearby... I might go for 4 to 6 games a week. But I have other hobbies, and sometimes I just want a relaxing night in, you know?

As for being a closet gamer... uh... I was the nerdy one reading books. Since the age of about 4. I've been gaming in one format or another quite obviously for years. My family and colleagues know I play with toy soldiers, play RPGs, and indeed spend far too much time and money on LARP. Sometimes they even manage to get me to shut up about my hobbies, and act in a responsible and adult manner (the key word there is act).

I am a closet gamer. I broke up the closet and made it into a game board and some nice terrain.

[PG_dungeongod]

I am married, have a house, full time job, and some contract work on the side, along with other development I do. Yeah, lots of work going on. I still prioritize WM/H over most everything else - on Wednesday nights, I am at my FLGS, even if it means missing other things. I do occasionally miss (this week I am out of the state, so no gaming for me ) but it is a high priority for me, and a ton of fun.

As to being competitive, honestly the best cure for that is practice and reading. Read the rules again - before bed if you have to. Read the faction books - again, before bed if you have to. That is what I do. I read faction books or rules (not necessarily always for WM/H) before bed usually. Play on vassal if you don't have the time to get out to a store. But, like most anything, to be good at it requires passion and dedication.

As to being a "closet gamer" - yeah, that can be hard. I know a lot of people who feel they have to do that. Most of them eventually leave that mindset, but I know some never do. If you have friends that actively make fun of that behavior/lifestyle, it can be hard. Especially at your age - I can totally see that. It is a hard thing to do, and if you only have friends that are NOT gamers, the threat of losing them can be really painful. You need to do what you need to do. I have had some people look down on my. I am fortunate to work in an industry that collects geeks of all stripes (Software Engineering - if they aren't gaming geeks then they are literature geeks or sports geeks or tech geeks). So, for me it is less of an issue. I also have found that if people don't like me for who I am, they can just ... go away? I can't say what I want to say in this forum! However, I am a decade older than you, and I remember having a hard time at that point in my life with the same questions. I was lucky enough to have a girlfriend (now my wife) who was also into gaming and geeky things.

No one can tell you what is best for you. All I can do is say that, based on what you have described, I am guessing you are a bit of a partier, and most of your friends are too (if this is wrong, I apologize - I am reading between the lines a bit here). You may find that some of them are gamers "in the closet" too. Or they may make fun of you for it. One of our local players is a roofer by trade, and his roofing buddies bust his chops all the time for playing. That doesn't stop him any, nor does it stop them from inviting him out for drinks on the weekends. It might help to start by mentioning small amounts of it, or testing the waters as it were. Going to a game store with them, for instance (not the one you normally visit), or asking about any hobbies they do that aren't your usual fare.

The most important thing is to do what is best for you. I wouldn't feel guilty about enjoying the game - it is a fun hobby, an intellectual pursuit, and people who get into wargaming often stay in the hobby for the rest of their lives. At 21, many of your friends may not be mature enough to handle you being "different." If that is the case, no need to tell them. You could start by talking with one that you think is more mature or open to the idea. Heck, you might even get them to come play with you one night!

Sorry - this is turning into quite the post here.

tl;dr: Your concerns about your friends are probably valid, and you should approach telling them with caution for what is best for you.

Good luck.

[Mastervalrik]

I am a life gamer and over the years time gets shorter, I am about 6 years from retirment (Got a good job that allowed me to sever 20 years and get 80% pention, I also startered when I was 18 so though I may have to work I am hoping not a full blown 50 an hour week) but for now, I play with my son at home once every two weeks (2nd and 4th Monday is gaming night) my gf accepts it she plays CoD or watches one of her shows. I then take 1 other day to do what ever I want to, travel to gaming store etc. I know three days dont seem like a lot but I am greatful to have it, Being a single dad of 3, working 50-65 hours a week, GF. I make the most of my time, would I like to play more, yes can I right now, no. Pick your days, and enjoy it, Quality over Quanity everytime... Work Hard, Play Hard.

[Nuriochi_sol]

I'm married with child, working and trying to finish my dissertation. That said, I spend at least one day in every ten dedicated to my hobby. This is time I NEED, my wife feels I NEED, and we protect that time vehemently. It keeps me sane and balanced. That said, she appreciates my hobby for what it gives me (a quiet and fulfilling refuge for my overly-busy mind and life). She doesn't entirely understand it, but loves it because it makes me happy.

I've NEVER been a closet geek. I consider myself "stealthed" now because I've grown up, have a wife that knows and appreciates a well-dressed and groomed man, and have a lot of responsibilities and image to protect. So no one guesses what I do for fun. But I'm open to telling them (partially because I've always been me with no apologies and partially because I enjoy the shocked confusion it generates). Tbh, I'll stream-line or sugar-coat the explanation of what I do for most people - not out of embarassment, but out of necessity; it's too confusing for most people to get their heads around.

As an aside, tabletop RPGs and wargames occupy a niche I find similar in some ways to playing recreational sports in adulthood. Most people, esp in the U.S., want to be entertained and are content as spectators. We're conditioned to it. We fantasy-geeks, on the other hand, like to make up the stories, participate in them, submerge ourselves*. There's a sense of pride that comes from having a fully-functioning imagination. Be proud to participate in fantasy and escapism (responsibly of course), and realize that those that don't understand really don't know what they're missing.

*I typically don't include video games in this, because it's only slightly more participatory these days than watching a movie. RPG video games, imo, can't rightly be called RPGs.

EDIT: Guilt is probably THE most controlling emotion we can experience. Most often, imo, it comes to the fore mostly through assumption and miscommunication. Guilt is wasted emotion is you always follow your heart, use common sense, be honest and direct in all your conversations, and treat others with respect. Guilt is the bastard child of fear - don't let either control you.

[Junn Khan]

Another note, I came out of the geek closet in law school and came out proud. Most people have something geeky about them, typically a love of comics. Hell, I knew a cowboy and ex-rodeo star who collected plastic replicas of famous horses and proudly displayed them and if that isn't a hobby to be made fun of I don't know what it. People may bust your chops but bust them back as friends often do.

[Gravmatrix]

I am also married, homeowner (great to have but also a great timesink), and work fulltime. Luckily, my LGS also does a designated WM/Hordes night on Tuesdays. Wednesday-Monday I deal with other things but Tuesday nights are "my" time where I go and game for ~4hrs. It has worked out great for over a year. I also have to admit I don't do much in terms of painting though.

As for expanding your Circle, perhaps try skipping that last drink and putting the cash towards your next purchase. Or invite your friends over and bring the party to your place since buying your own booze is much cheaper than getting it from a bar!

As for the closet gamer, I say don't do it. Of course that is easier said than done, but speaking as someone who was modestly a closet gamer/into other non-mainstream hobbies, I can tell you things are much more pleasent when you don't worry about "hiding" things. I find that if someone can't accept me because I wargame/collect BJDs/play wow/whatever, then I probably don't need to hang out with them. Though I will tell you in my experience this has never happened. Sure sometimes a friend might tease about one of the above (hey, I do the same about their hobbies at times so I can't say anything), but it has never been an issue.

The only real advice I will give is while you shouldn't have to be ashamed of your hobbies/etc and while your friends will hopefully not give you grief over it, you also need to keep in mind that your friends probably won't care about your hobbies either. I guess what I am saying is while I don't hide my hobbies at all, I also don't ever try to shove them upon others. If someone asks I will be more than happy to explain (especially with the BJD hobby), but I am not going to go out of my way to bring any of it up.

By opening up I have made many great friends with similiar interests that I wouldn't have ever met.

[xav++]

Also, something I'm curious about, how open is everyone about their participation in hobbies like this? I am a closet gamer- a passionate one- but I sort of treat this as a guilty pleasure that little-to-no one from my daily/social life knows about. Is this common/looked down upon?

Come on man! Having people know is the best way to get more people to play! I make it known how nerdy I am and have gotten many a person to play tons O games. Don't be shy about it. People aren't shy about golfing or other sports. Why should you be?

[PG_Menite Messenger]

With regards the game/life balence, it really does come down to priorities. If you want to play WM/H more than you do, then somethign else has to give. Personally, i work shift work, and have an insanely busy 3 weeks of work where i dont do much other than work/sleep/spend time at home. Every 3 weeks i get a full week off, and thats 7 days where i have to jam in as much gaming, party going, drinking and irresposible behavior as i possibly can, preferably simultaniously. It sounds like you have a lot of other recreational things going on, and if you want to find some more time for WM/H then maybe its less sport, or less partytime, not a choice id like to make either

Im even in a position at the moment where ive just found a new local store to play at, and thier tuesday gaming nights are fast becoming a priority, to the level im booking time off my night shifts to attend.

It sounds like its going to be a tough choice, but you are at least in the enviable position of having too many social and fun hobbies to participate in, there is certainly somethign to be grateful for.

When it comes to the "closet gaming" thing. Thats really a matter for each person to decide for themselves. I never would have been outspoken about my hobby at High School at age 14 or 15, but by early college age and certainly the age I am now (26) i really couldnt give a monkeys what people think of how I spend my spare time. I've converted 4 people to semi regular WM players, another 2 to battelbox owners, and now my girlfriend plays Magic. There are some serious advantages to being outgoing when it comes to your hobbies, but you know your friends better than anyone, so its your choice to make. A good option can be using social networking sites to link your acounts to a few hobby based sites or shops, you never know who might see it and think, "oh look, hes involved in X,Y,Z, who woulda known, ill chat to him about it next time i see him".

Even if you stay a "closet" gamer, never be ashamed of a cool hobby, and enjoy every minute of it.

MM

[PG_joedj]

I personally would not want to play every day.

45 yo, married, three kids, business owner.
I really look forward to my 1-2 evenings a week, about 3-4 games a week. Multi-factions.
Gaming allows me to forget the worries of family/business for a few precious hours.

I won't be as good at tournaments as those who concentrate on one faction and have the time to fine tune their tournament tactics. That's ok.

Balance.

I used to be much more secretive about the hobby, for business reasons perhaps, called it going to 'play poker'. Over the last 10 years though, I've become more open about it.
I've discovered gamer connections with other professionals, and my wife's friends just by being less concerned about others' opinions.

[doom_reaver]

Absolutely no need to be a closet gamer I don't go round roaring it from the roof tops but if someone asks what I do for fun they're told I'm a gamer. Don't give a fiddlers how they react.

I'm pretty busy myself I work 5-6 days a week then after work I have obligations as we all do. However there are 2 things that I have made immutable and sacrosanct. The first is that Saturday night is for indulging in the great Irish tradition booze and Trad sessions. The second is that Sunday from 2p.m. until 10:30p.m. is reserved for gaming. I work hard so I think it's only right that I get to enoy my gaming.

[Wishing]

I'm a bit of a weirdo in that I really enjoy these games as a hobby, but don't actually feel any particular need to play. When I have the time I do it, used to play semi-regularly, but currently I have quite a demanding personal life which doesn't allow any time to game at all. However, I do sit and paint a little bit usually every day, and collecting, converting and painting gaming forces as opposed to individual display models is something I find very rewarding.

[Pirrekurr]

I'm a 36 years old father of two. I am also married, a homeowner, got a summerhouse and my family spend at least 3 weekends each month either at my parents or my in-laws. On top of this I work full time with troubled youths as a social worker. I play maybe 1-2 games for every two weeks. Most of my gaming happens when I am working weekends. I work from 09.00 On friday morning until 10.00 saturday morning. Then I am free until sunday morning 09.00. Oh, and if all is quiet with the youths U get to sleep on the job. Those saturdays are for gaming, when my family is with My mother in-law.

[PG_Big K]

balancing the game is hard when you have less time. For 12 months ( i'm in australia ) I got up at 3am, drove 1 1/4 hours to work, work till 5pm, drive 1 1/4 home, cook dinner, bath the kids, spend time with the kids, rinse and repeat 6 days a week, by sunday I was too tired to do anything other than spend more time with the kids that missed me to the point of asking me not to go to work anymore. Not easy, didn't game for 12 months. Gaming is hard sometimes, now I can game when ever I want. At some stage it'll get easier.

[Beaumains]

Time management is a very tricky thing. I'm pretty sure a whole bunch of people struggle with it, and I certainly find that as the amount of hassle required to play a game goes up, sometimes my enjoyment of that game goes down.

[PG_Big K]

With regards to being secretive, never have been never will be. My wifes sister always gives her a hard time about me gaming, calls it childish ect. Gaming buddies though have stood by me and my family through tough times, while my sister in law was no where to be seen. NEVER be ashamed of the hobby. My wife now enjoys the game as a result.

[Dragon2439]

But I'm sure I have more time being younger than most older players (I'm 21) and therefore having less responsibilities, so I was wondering- how do you balance this hobby into your life? How can I maximize my progression with Circle with less time? (switching from Menoth, which I was decent with, to Circle has left me with a terrible win/loss ratio). I have ambitions to do well at tournaments and be a respected player within my meta- but I'm wallowing in learning Circle too slowly.

Also, something I'm curious about, how open is everyone about their participation in hobbies like this? I am a closet gamer- a passionate one- but I sort of treat this as a guilty pleasure that little-to-no one from my daily/social life knows about. Is this common/looked down upon?

I wouldnt worry about losing a lot, especially if you are switching from one faction to another that plays completely different. I learn far more from losing then winning and thus become a better player for it. You dont know limits until you pass them. How you fit it in is entirely dependent upon you. Leisurely activities are your choice. If you would rather take a break and hang out with your friends from college, go to the bar and beach then by all means do it. If you want to dedicate a day or two a week, every other week, once a month or just whenever the spirit moves you to go play WMH then by all means do it. Just spend a little time thinking about what you want to do, then go and do it.


As for being a closet gamer; Honestly, who cares about being one? Do what you love, be proud of it. The only people that are going to be really bothered by it are people you dont want to be around anyway. Most of them probably have some secret thing they do that they enjoy but are terrified people will find out and reflect their denial in your direction. As other people have said, real friends will stick around. It is not as though you are doing something illegal or immoral. You dont belong to a cult that sacrifices children to satan. Well, maybe you do, but I would be more worried about that then the WMHplaying.

You may discover that some of your friends play this, or a similar game and simply did not share it because they too were secretive or didnt think you would be interested. I have never hidden my interests in hobbies, and as such i've always had a group of friends who all shared in interest in such things.

I'm a bit of a weirdo in that I really enjoy these games as a hobby, but don't actually feel any particular need to play. When I have the time I do it, used to play semi-regularly, but currently I have quite a demanding personal life which doesn't allow any time to game at all. However, I do sit and paint a little bit usually every day, and collecting, converting and painting gaming forces as opposed to individual display models is something I find very rewarding.

Its not weird to not NEED to do your hobby, excluding of course the need to have a break from life and just enjoy your time every once in a while. Everyone needs that. Just wanted to point that out.

[JP_is_here]

I'm married, w/ 2 kids (one only a few months old) and a FT job. I basically get the time AFTER the kids are asleep to plan games. And I have to plan time for tournys months in advance. But I do it. So, that I can play. I get 1 game a week in. And a tourny every 3rd month. I don't go around parading to friends and family what I do, but I don't hide it. When family asks what "toys" I want for my "game" around xmas/bday, I send them lists. They know. There's a running joke w/ my cube-mates at work about when I play w/ my "dolls". But, I take it in stride. It's all in good fun. I actually did demo the game for a co-worker. He wasn't interested once he saw the rulebook though, but he tried it. I think if you're not willing to share your interest w/ others, you're limiting what people around you that may find it interesting. I absolutely can't WAIT for my sons to be old enough to play.

I think the big thing though is that you want to play in the meta competitively. Well, w/ that comes practice. There are no successful part-time Olympians. When they want to be the greatest, they practice hard. But, there are plenty of people that play games from the Olympics, yet not at that caliber.

[PG_Neldar]

The biggest of all +1s for this thread.

One of my better decisions in the last few months has been to stop caring about who knows I'm a gamer. I don't shout it out since that's not very professional, but if someone asks what I'm doing in the evening, I'm going to be honest about it.

[Linkdead]

A lot of good replies in this thread, and really they echo my situation so no need to continue them. I will comment on this:

Also, something I'm curious about, how open is everyone about their participation in hobbies like this? I am a closet gamer- a passionate one- but I sort of treat this as a guilty pleasure that little-to-no one from my daily/social life knows about. Is this common/looked down upon?

When I was younger, I was terrified of letting people I worked with know about my hobbies outside the job. I'm the only IT guy in a small workforce of other mixed professions. I was already easy prey to these people because I am the lone computer nerd. It is very much a situation right out of highschool, something I did not expect to be exposed to during my professional career. Sure enough they found out about my various outside hobbies like tabletop gaming and really the reaction was exactly what I expected.

You can't let anyone discourage you from doing something you enjoy in life. I learned this lesson as my time to enjoy hobbies decreased due to workload and responsibilities of life. It's my free time and I'll enjoy it however I see fit. I went from hiding everything I'm interested to really just embracing it openly. I've gone totally to the other end of the spectrum I listen to the Museonmini podcast at work for example. I'm a lot happier now for it both at work and at home. Nothing has changed with the people I work with, they still think I'm a geek and they will think that no matter what I do. Don't conform to society's molds for the sake of anyone else, do what you love because you love doing it, be who you are because you want to be that person.

[Marsya]

So over the winter I took up this game, and like most of you I was hooked. Driving 40 miles two or three days a week to my 'local' game store. But as winter became spring and spring became summer my time to play this game disappeared (along with my enthusiasm for Menoth- replaced by Circle). I have all kinds of work, family obligations, all my friends are home from their colleges- so parties, beach trips, and I have tennis, soccer, road races etc. etc. Gas money has also become bar money, and my budget for expanding my Circle collection has dropped to nearly zero.

But I'm sure I have more time being younger than most older players (I'm 21) and therefore having less responsibilities, so I was wondering- how do you balance this hobby into your life? How can I maximize my progression with Circle with less time? (switching from Menoth, which I was decent with, to Circle has left me with a terrible win/loss ratio). I have ambitions to do well at tournaments and be a respected player within my meta- but I'm wallowing in learning Circle too slowly.

Also, something I'm curious about, how open is everyone about their participation in hobbies like this? I am a closet gamer- a passionate one- but I sort of treat this as a guilty pleasure that little-to-no one from my daily/social life knows about. Is this common/looked down upon?

I always lose time for gaming in the summer, but come fall when it gets colder and darker earlier, I'll be slowly finding more time for it.

I am still new to the game side of warmachine as I was drawn to the game for the minis first. That being said I have a little bit from each faction painted and will be focusing come fall on my circle force so I will have a playable force. In the summer I try to plan two days a month to just focusing on gaming whether it is a long session with my rpg group, night of drinking and board games or even just catching up on my current videogame addiction. After I have my faction painted up I hope to drive to local tournaments as I always enjoy the challenge of playing games with new players.

About being a closet gamer as being a girl I never found anyone to look down upon it. Generally when people hear me talk about games or going to a gaming convention they are generally confused, and ask what kind of games. When I tell them roleplaying games, wargames, board games and card games, the usual response is roleplaying that is kinky. In fact most people I've met think its cool that I am into gaming in general and usually say they wouldn't have guessed that. But I would guess that guys would be harder on another guy friend about it, but will ultimately still accept you.

[DoctorEvil]

The funny thing is back when I was in high school and college (what I now call the old days...the really old days), I had nothing but time. Time was a commodity that I had in abundance.

Money on the other hand was tight. So it was a lot of Dungeons & Dragons back in those days because, it was an affordable means of entertainment. Occasionally one of us would splurge and buy some Citadel or Ral Partha minatures to go with the game. That Warhammer and Warhammer 40k miniature game that came out during that time was deemed "too expensive" (and personally I thought it wouldn't have any staying power).

Flash forward several decades.......I'm married, two kids, both my wife and I have good jobs. I can afford some hobbies. Miniatures games is one of those hobbies that I enjoy.

Now the problem is time. Between work, the kids activities, family activities, etc......time is not on my side when it comes to gaming. I try and fit in at least one gaming night a month.

The fact is, the older you get, the more responsbilities you acquire, which means hobby time will be reduced. Your "golden years" of gaming are that sweet age when you're done with school, have a job, but you're not married with children I squandered those years playing Magic the Gathering instead of miniatures games (I got into miniature games in my mid-30's)......damn how I wish I had that time back

[PG_Menite Messenger]

Your "golden years" of gaming are that sweet age when you're done with school, have a job, but you're not married with children I squandered those years playing Magic the Gathering instead of miniatures games (I got into miniature games in my mid-30's)......damn how I wish I had that time back

Thanks for the reminder. This is exactly where i am now for the next couple of years and I absoloutly plan on making the most of it.

MM

[Beaumains]

Thanks for the reminder. This is exactly where i am now for the next couple of years and I absoloutly plan on making the most of it.

MM

Go hard! I, the fallen, salute you.

[HeadHunter]

I'm married, with a full-time job that has a rotating schedule and long 12-hour days. When I get home, I'm usually too exhausted to do anything but surf the Web before I go to sleep. Needless to say, I don't get a lot of time for painting, let alone to make it to the LGS for Warmachine on Friday nights. But I don't lament it - I've got a very happy marriage and my wife is good to me. She understands my hobbies and my need to have some "me time". But she takes priority over the little metal dudes.

Fifteen years ago, I had a regular RPG night every week and 40K on weekends - those were good times, but I wouldn't trade this for any of that.

[alec]

Thanks for the replies so far... but I definitely gave the wrong impression with the "closet gamer" stuff;

I didn't mean guilty pleasure in the literal sense, I mean more in the "chocolate is a guilty pleasure" sense- as in you don't need it, shouldn't do it (money-wise in this case) but love it anyway. I'm by no means ashamed of Warmahordes, it's just not something to talk about with peers who don't play. It's not because I'm ashamed it's because I enjoy having a split between the social life/my sports life/my work life/hobby life. I guess I enjoy compartmentalizing my interests, it keeps me focused and fresh. If I was talking about my new list idea for circle while warming up for soccer it would have some negative effect on both activities for me, I think. Explaining things to topically uneducated or disinterested people is always a pain anyway.. "Tuesdays I play warmachine, it's a table top game- based on dice and little figures you paint..." if you can imagine hearing that without being a gamer (or any interest in becoming one) I'd assume you'd roll your eyes.

[djlowballer]

What harm could bringing up another hobby during soccer warmups cause? Playing a wargame isn't that weird. Maybe you would find somebody on your team shares a similar interest. I will casually bring up my tabletop hobbies because I honestly don't care if people "look down" on me for it.

[Slice]

I am impressed by a lot of replies here i'm 29, single, no kids and still manage to find less time than some of the married w. children. Seems like i'm doing something wrong.

I never treated my hobbies as something i need to hide. I collect comic books, play tabletop games, have a sizeable collection of RPG rulebooks and between 1998 and 2006 (or so) bought hundreds magic cards.
Usually you can find most of that stuff in my living room for all to see and whenever someone asks i gladly tell them about it.

I was asked if it isnt a kids game i play there several times and in reply i always show them the rulebook plus two "Forces of..." books and tell them that this is needed for a two player game. I usually offer them to read it and decide for themselves - so far no one has accepted.
If shown the complexity of the game most people are more interrested and understanding.

The same goes for RPG's explaining it as an 'interactive story' instead of 'playing pretend' goes a long way.

so tl;dr its all a question of good advertising.

[Wishing]

Its not weird to not NEED to do your hobby, excluding of course the need to have a break from life and just enjoy your time every once in a while. Everyone needs that. Just wanted to point that out.

True that. My perspective, I guess is that painting for me is the main hobby aspect and playing is secondary. This is also convenient since my personal break time is only an hour or two late at night, at which time I can paint, but I cannot play (unless on vassal). I know that others have the opposite priority, and prefer to use their hobby time to play instead of paint. Which I can completely understand, playing is obviously a lot more "fun" in the sense that it is social and you hang out and chat with friends while playing a game. But with painting you also get the satisfaction of having "done" something, in that you get a physical result of a painted model, whereas playing is enjoyable time spent that doesn't yield any physical results.

Anyway, about closet gaming. I am also partially in the closet in that I don't tend to actively talk about my geeky hobbies to workmates etc., and only reluctantly to family and so on who know about it. It's not really from shame though - I don't tend to talk about the music I like or anything else in my life either. I'm just a private person and I don't feel that anything I do or like is interesting enough to other people that they would want to hear about it. I guess I fit the geek stereotype of being very shy and conscious of my mental problems.

I also have some basic ethical qualms about entertainment that glorifies violence, and I wish that we as geek people were more fascinated with harmony and peace than with explosions and skulls. But I do enjoy the hobby regardless of what I think of it on a "higher" mental level, and I'm not going to stop doing something I enjoy just out of principle.

[neathleanan]

This might be sounding familiar now, but I'm married, with young kids, and a busy job (that involves a fair amount of international travel), so finding a suitable life/hobby balance can be tricky. However, I'm lucky that my wife is very supportive of me playing with toy soldiers as long as it doesn't consume all of my free time.

Strangely, I've also written a blog post about this quite recently.

Anyway, if you try to play of a regular basis (once a week seems to work for me), be open with your geekness, and remember to devote time to the rest of your life and family, I'm sure you'll be fine.

[Malal8]

Well I advise you do whatever you want. I personally cycle between magic, tabletop and video games so if I leave one system it is usually because I am bored or want something else. Most of the time I come back and keep cycling through my trinity of interests. Right now I am loving getting back into tabletop because to be very honest, it has the best community. Gamers and magic players are usually very young, immature and elitist. This is my opinion generated from my personal experiences though so I am not calling it a law.

As far as being a closet gamer... I don't mean to get super deep but it's all honestly about being comfortable with who you are. Once you stop caring what other people think and start valuing your own opinion first you will become happier overall. I personally have a lot of friends who like to do various hobbies and games but I have a bunch that don't as well. Do what you love and learn to be proud of it!

[HRM]

Between work, daughter, house and other stuff, what I find suffers the most is painting.

I also confess that I get pretty zoned out when the NFL kicks off each September. Go Niners.

[WarpedWolf]

Between work, daughter, house and other stuff, what I find suffers the most is painting.

Same here. Being able make it down to the game store on Sunday afternoons isn't the problem, it's finding a quiet bit of time to paint.

[Spyde]

So over the winter I took up this game, and like most of you I was hooked. Driving 40 miles two or three days a week to my 'local' game store. But as winter became spring and spring became summer my time to play this game disappeared (along with my enthusiasm for Menoth- replaced by Circle). I have all kinds of work, family obligations, all my friends are home from their colleges- so parties, beach trips, and I have tennis, soccer, road races etc. etc. Gas money has also become bar money, and my budget for expanding my Circle collection has dropped to nearly zero.

But I'm sure I have more time being younger than most older players (I'm 21) and therefore having less responsibilities, so I was wondering- how do you balance this hobby into your life? How can I maximize my progression with Circle with less time? (switching from Menoth, which I was decent with, to Circle has left me with a terrible win/loss ratio). I have ambitions to do well at tournaments and be a respected player within my meta- but I'm wallowing in learning Circle too slowly.

Also, something I'm curious about, how open is everyone about their participation in hobbies like this? I am a closet gamer- a passionate one- but I sort of treat this as a guilty pleasure that little-to-no one from my daily/social life knows about. Is this common/looked down upon?

I feel so bad for you.. You have to balance going to bars.. beach parties..Tennis..Soccer, road races with playing a tabletop game.. In your free time.

Rough stuff.

Play in the winter.. or get over being a closet gamer and go play once a month rather then going to the bar or a beach party....