As a former game store manager, behavior like this should not be tolerated. Speak to the owner. If it happens again call the police, especially if the store owner does nothing. You deserve to feel safe.
First of all: You are not whining!
Secondly: I'm feeling embarrassed when reading stuff like this. - Guys, you need to get yourself under control! It's absolutely unacceptable! Even if meant "funny" - it isn't! Period.
Thirdly: You really want to talk to the owner! It's their space and responsibility. The staff needs to know because they have to and want to act. If the guy is that sort of "confused" it's even more important for them to act.
And finally: It's still the exception of the rule. I think I've got a pretty good insight into my local and regional meta - and pretty far beyond. There are some girls and women. One of them at the very top of the competitive scene. They all get treated appropriately. And if not, the community acts instantly. So, don't fear, there's no reason for it. And if the exception still occurs: it is going to be countered hard.
Besides, unless the person the OP is talking about is 8 years old, he should know better.
"If at first you don't succeed, label it version 1.0."
Not whining, and although it's up to you - I realize even an indirect confrontation isn't as easy as it sounds - I encourage you to talk to the owner. It's not okay that you don't feel safe, that you're avoiding something because of that, it's not okay for the same thing to happen to the next girl that goes to that store, and it's really, really not okay for a guy to hear No and become more insistent.
A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming. -Barbarella
These eyes can do more than see. -Blind Mag, Repo! The Genetic Opera
Again, prefacing this acknowledging I'm playing devils advocate.
A lot of autistic spectrum types are disproportionally attracted to these games. In some cases, getting mad at them for social mistakes is like getting mad at a dyslexic person for spelling mistakes. In real life, they're not comedicly quirky, they're this guy. That doesn't make them dangerous or deliberate aholes. Someone with Downs Syndrome isn't automatically a sex offender because he plays with himself in public. Learning when it's appropriate to offer foot massages and how to graciously be rejected among a million other seemingly random social rules is a lot more complicated than simply teaching someone to keep their hands out of their pants.
We have a suggestion above of calling the police (despite no law being broken). Why so quick to jump to extremes before suggesting just talking to the guy? Shunning socially inept individuals rarely ends well.
Of course if this had crossed a physical threshold, that would be totally different.
However my premise was not to defend this guy, but a reminder that while it's impossible to control how others act, we do have control over how we choose to interpret and react. You can choose to imagine this guy has a freezer full of severed feet at home, or you can choose to believe he needs help. People are frequently going to behave in ways that you don't like, sometimes without any ill intent, or even with good intent. How much that ruins your day is usually up to you.
Full truth, I didn't read all replies, I'm just going on the OP and the first ten or so replies, so sorry if this has already been resolved!
What I personally would do is this: The next time I see the guy I would ask my opponent if I can take a little break, ask this guy out for a quick chat and explain to him that his behavior was repellent. I'd say that I understand that he probably just wanted to be nice and it was probably his way of showing interest in me, but that it had the opposite effect of what he hoped to achieve. I'd then try to point out the exact things that made him come across as creepy - I mean, we were talking about mentors for the game a lot recently, and here is a guy that probably needs a mentor for social interactions, which is a lot more crucial than gaming skills. Seriously, if you play a bad game of Warmachine, people will pat you on the shoulder and feel for you, but if you come across as creepy, nobody will ever pat you on the shoulder.
However, this is what I personally would do, and I've had experiences that shaped me into the person that I am today. Some of them were in the form of a person doing that exact thing for me. And while I think it would be the right thing to do and while I feel that I would be able to handle the situation, I think everyone has to make their own decision that is right for them. Because, frankly, this requires both diplomacy and the emotional strength to face a situation head-on that made one uncomfortable in the first place.
So if the right thing for you is talking to the owner, then I would urge you to do so!
Hope that helps
First off how are you and Sorscha getting on. Secondly I agree with Porcodile he probably thinks he's being nice I would talk to him first warn him if he keeps it up you'll report him the owner. Don't let him scare you away from the game.
This probably makes it worse, but this guy probably gives his mom foot rubs every other day and doesn't think there's anything weird about the concept (insert Pulp Fiction reference here). Don't just tell him no, tell him why as well. "No thanks, I'm good" likely makes him think you're being polite and don't want him to go out of his way. "Look, no offense, but that's really inappropriate. Please don't say anything like that ever again" should get the message across better. All this interpersonal stuff just doesn't translate well. God's joke on us, I guess. It has to be the words coming out of your mouth that tell him you're being creeped out, not the expression on your face.
That said: always good to hear of someone new joining the ranks, particularly if they have the good taste to join the Khador ranks specifically. Have fun!
Last edited by scout's honor; 07-30-2015 at 01:06 AM.
The real life situation is surely not funny for Baroness, but it strongly reminds Howard Wolowitz from early big bang theory. I guess when there is a woman among nerds, there is a chance some creppy guy will appear trying to be "nice".
Dont be discouraged by such person, give him strong response or ignore and ask for place owner's help. The life is full of unpleasant situations but luckly they rarely happen in gamers society. I think he will stop bothering you.
highly welcoming, liberal, tolerant and warm-hearted. And in my experience the community does everything to integrate everyone. Sometimes this might not be reflected here or elsewhere on the online forums, but even here, especially in the Khador forum, it's more than obvious in my opinion.
feels responsible for everyone's enjoyment and that's why the community and everyone within especially follows a clear personal "No." instantly or enforces it strongly. There is no tolerance of intolerance. It's super simple and the foundation of all communities out there - but even more important in a community with so many highly different and highly interesting backgrounds.
Originally Posted by Karl Popper
I'm trying to imagine how uncomfortable I would be if someone randomly asked to massage my feet and I can't. It's such an odd thing.
Hope everything gets resolved. I vote for the speaking to the owner, saying that you think a quiet warning is sufficient providing it doesn't happen again. If it does happen again after the warning definitely speak to the owner about escalating it.
Also, a metal devastator in a sock is an excellent deterrent! One smack with that will send him packing!
Second also, glad to see you're still enjoying the game and the greatness of Khador
I've noticed a lot of players go for 35 really fast these days. When new players ask me for a game and then tell me 35 points I'm like
"Wot? Already?!" @_@
Then again, I'm a slow learner and played 25 points (500pts in mk I!) for the longest time.
MoW Kovnik 34
4 Mechaniks 17
Though with the introduction of shake-off and butcher's much improved ability to run jacks in Mk II, this isn't a very efficient build anymore.
Ta, though I don't use transfer decals; all hand-painted! I decided a pacifier was appropriate since he is pretty much a baby amongst jacks and someone reminded me that a Binky is another name for a pacifier.
One of me mates said it was pretty appropriate; most enemies are quite pacified after a few smacks with the ice axe!
It is harassment and should not be tolerated I cannot imagine him saying anything like that to a bloke.
I would expect the bloke to be disciplined and possibly sacked at work for stuff like that so why are you worried.
Enjoy the game and remember we all want you to do well and have fun
I just reread this thread from start to finish, and it just clicked in that the person who intervened on your behalf is a Mercenaries player... heh. This is awesome to me, as I have been a Merc player for over a decade now.
That's 6'1" and 290lbs. for those Stateside.
The support on the Khador forums is great be mindful stepping into some of the other factions forums. Some of the people are less then friendly or helpful
My local gaming group has some new players finally filtering into our ranks, one just happens to be a girl. I will be watching out for anything like your experience.
Whether by or , the enemies of the Faithful will perish all the same.
While I understand the point that we play Protectorate, not "Menoth", Menoth is just so much easier to say in conversation .
I'm late to the party as usual. And most of the folks have pretty adequately covered this, but there's just a few points I want to stress:
1) You don't "owe" anybody anything when it comes to access to your body. You don't owe anyone politeness when they request access to touch you in any way. You have no duty to be mindful of someone else's feelings, especially once you've already said "no".
2) If someone else's behavior makes you uncomfortable to the point you're changing your own behavior, that is the key signal that what they're doing is wrong. They do not have a right to drive you away from the activities you love.
3) It is NOT your responsibility to teach anyone else how to behave appropriately in public (save for your own children, in which case PLEASE do that). You don't need to explain to anyone why what they're doing is wrong, or to give them second chances, or to teach them how to better approach others. I know someone else suggested telling him what he did wrong, I disagree. This only opens you up for more interaction with someone who clearly makes you uncomfortable. You have no such duty towards this guy.
4) This one I cannot stress enough, your safety is the paramount concern. If this person's behavior does not stop after being warned, take it seriously. As in, warn all of your friends that this harassment is now ongoing in spite of reasonable attempts to stop it, and you are worried about it becoming stalking behavior. Sadly, it is within the realm of possibility, and I would loathe to think you could become another statistic. I would strongly encourage you to seek out law enforcement if he continues to even just "hang around" you after being warned off, and use the store owner and your friends as references for law enforcement. I dearly hope this is not the case, and all we have is an awkward young man who doesn't understand boundaries and appropriate behavior. But do not hesitate for a single moment to protect yourself.
In short, you have a right to reject advances from anyone you like, for any reason you like, and you owe no explanations for why you are rejecting their advances. If they continue to do so after being rejected, that is harassment and you have no obligation to tolerate it. Seek help if you are harassed and do not be concerned with the feelings of a harasser.
And lastly, don't feel bad about crying. I'm a big 42 year old dude, and I cried like a baby when I had to bury my dog. Nothing in the world wrong with crying. And by all means, let us know how this turns out.
Wow, what a difference posting my experience and a good night sleep have done to my piece of mind. I was really scared to post that story and now I can't imagine having not done it. I'm sorry to hear that the other forums aren't full of nice posters like Khador, but it only serves to remind me that I choose the right faction to begin with. I have my change of clothes with me and my miniature bag is sitting next to my desk, can't wait for tonight, and I won't worry about Mr. Footsie (his new nickname). I will talk to the owner and it won't be a big deal.
Sil3nced I am glad to hear that you will be watching out for the new girl in your club. My savior literally saved the game for me, without him sticking up for me, I would have left, and sold my Khador minis on Ebay.
For those asking about the bump to 35 points, my "teachers" felt that I am ready for the transition. My progression has been slow IMO, but they say that I am getting better and that I handle eSorscha very well, so thanks for asking about that Kovnik Alex.
Gotta a meeting in 45 mins that I have to prepare for...catch you all later, my brothers (and sister Dr. Destruction) of Khador.
I do, however completely admit to slumming it up in the electric chicken coop from time to time, purely to troll the whiners who go on & on about "their poor faction" and "how woe they be"...
The biggest problem with swans is that they are a weak people who live a life of comfort! Clearly Leto is to blame!
Khador is trying to help change all of this but the cygnarian military seems to reject all attempts to implement axe based aide!
Some of my models
Gatorman purist, Mercenary and Khador
Very well said and true, Tsumi! +1
Good luck, Baroness!
Isn't it absolutely mercenastic? And who needs huge bases when he can have some pigs!? Oh, or Ruin?
Sorry, I'm on vacation and late to the party.
I've seen my wife put up with this briefly before as well. Talking to the owner is really your best bet, as long as the owner is reasonable. If he or she is trying to make a family friendly atmosphere, then they will handle the situation quickly.
The important thing is to not start a ruckus yourself unless necessary. Don't want to get tossed out along with him
It is important to note that I am just awful at this game. Seriously, watching me play is like watching Keanu Reeves perform Hamlet. It's funny at first, but then starts to get quietly sad, until you just want to leave the room.Originally Posted by Frey
Losing and learning is still better than winning and learning nothing.
Plan C: Send him my way. I am in desperate need of a good foot massage.
You aren't playing at the Dojo, are you, Baroness? That stuff wouldn't fly here. Mostly because they relegate us Army Mans players to the basement and keep the cards players upstairs using high-frequency sonic deterrent systems that only virgins can hear.
Last edited by scout's honor; 07-30-2015 at 09:51 AM.
But saying he painted a decal on it creates an actual, honest-to-goodness syntax error I guess that's on me.
Losing and learning is still better than winning and learning nothing.