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Chip
10-05-2010, 04:59 PM
OK, I keep getting pangs of wanting to do something "Retribution" related, but I still haven't got my models. I've finally snapped and decided to brush off my old writing hands and do some fiction. Please, rip this apart, tell me everything that's crap about it - I'm out of practice and could do with the critique :)

Prologue

^4548 (582AR). Outskirts of Isyrr, Ghyrrshyld?s fortress in Ios.
There was a short, sharp crack and the wall exploded over Commander Skein and his unit, showering them with masonry and hurling Queryl into the wall behind them with a wet snapping sound - the road to Iryss had been long and draining on the Eidolons, but he had been the first casualty. Skein loaded his crossbow and looked over the remains of the house to see the Vyre mage that was hurling bolts of force at the advancing forces. He exhaled and took aim before letting the bolt fly, grinning darkly as the shaft pierced the elf?s neck, spraying blood over the white marble street. As soon as the mage?s body hit the road, the Dawnguard started advancing, trampling the corpse into the broken ground. Alyn huffed.
?And yet if they did it for us, we?d be expected to take time out of our lives to thank them...?
?Because they?re the Dawnguard, child.? Skein sighed in resignation at his fate. ?We thank them, as we are just the Houseguard. It doesn?t go the other way round. Besides, we have a war to win!? The Eidolons nodded in understanding and moved forward, sweeping each building for snipers and Vyre forces hiding in ambush.

The first fight was in a hall of what seemed like a communal building. The Eidolons lost two men ? Keryth and Pyll - in as many seconds to a hail of bullets before they could hit cover behind a doorway and regroup. Skein looked over at the remnants of his squad ? three men were left, Alyn, Greyth and himself. He motioned to Greyth to look for a way round and took a pot shot at the attackers, hearing a scream for his efforts.
?Three of us and what, ten of them?? Alyn sounded less convinced than usual as he fired a shot round the corner.
?Well, nine. If I hit something. Sounds like I did.?
?Oh great, then our chances are only an even three to one! If, and I sincerely mean if, Greyth got into position.?
?Ah, quit your whining, child.? Skein fired another shot round the wall and peeked out. ?They?re holding back. Probably think there?s more of us then there actually are.? He fired another shot and motioned for Alyn to sprint to the other side of the doorway. ?Besides, we are the House Alyean Eidolons. It is our job to face these kind of odds and win.? They both fired simultaneously, killing another two elven Riflemen before ducking back to avoid the return fire.

A few seconds later, a commotion came from the room. After a few seconds, Skein and Alyn gingerly put their heads round the door to see Greyth in the middle of a circle of bodies with his two knives out in a ready position. He looked round and winked at his squadmates as an explosion in the next building sent a rafter through the window, impaling him through the chest.

After spending a few minutes cleaning the bodies and stripping their enemies of weapons they could use, the two survivors walked out onto the streets of Iryss to see a unit of Dawnguard destroying a Vyre Myrmidon in a brutal melee that had already taken the side off a building. Skein snapped to attention, raised his rifle and fired into a window, watching grimly as a sniper toppled out to the street below. As Alyn watched on, several explosions split the air and the stench of burning rosewood and flesh filled the air. Skein patted him on the back as he strode off into the burning city.
?C?mon, child, we have a job to do...?

^4574 (Present Day)
Alyn walked the walls of the ancestral home of House Alyean. The few men under his command were underequipped and undertrained, but no combat had occurred in over three cyions. His men found his wariness and insistence on training bizarre in such a time of peace, but they humoured him. It had been twenty six years since the Eidolons had been needed, and the ideal had fallen by the wayside by a new generation that just didn?t care about actual soldiery.

No better than guards, he often lamented, no better than guards.

After the defeat of Ghyrrshyld and the emergence of the Retribution, talk had turned to war once again, but the men under his command remained complacent ? they were the guards of House Alyean, not soldiers. The war was someone else?s, not theirs. The monotony of the day was occasionally broken with a messenger, but still, nothing of value ever happened until, one day, several carts came upon the gate, greeted personally by Lady Sheryi Alyean. After they had been unloaded and left, Sheryi called Alyn to the great hall, where she stood with several crates. Alyn didn?t need to be told now, he dropped to his knee.
?You called, my lady??
?Alyn, child, you are the last surviving member of the Eidolons, and it is with heavy heart that I call you here now.? Alyn already knew this conversation is one he didn?t want to hear. He and Skein had become close friends until his death last year. One of the few in their profession to be allowed natural causes. Still, he kept silent and listened. ?As you know, my daughter, Elyni, was out meeting her prospective husband in house Nyarr. Such a marriage would have cemented our House?s fortunes for generations but, with the onset of war...? She stopped. Alyn looked up and saw her crying.
?My lady?? Sheryi wiped the tears from her eyes.
?She was always a stupid girl, impetuous and foolish.? She motioned to a retainer, who forced a crate open, revealing newly-made guns and ammunition, all of the highest quality. ?She has followed her fiancée with the Winter?s Hammer task force into the human land of Llael, where his unit was destroyed assaulting a human fortress.? She spat the words, as if even saying the word human was poison to her. ?There have been reports of several elves being captured, and there is no report of Elyni. I fear she has been captured, or worse.? Alyn looked up at her.
?What would you have me do??
?You have three days to assemble and train a group of the best fighters our House?s guard have to offer. You will be issued with the newest, most powerful weapons House Shyeel have developed, and our smiths are on hand to work this shipment of finest dwarven Serricsteel into armour for you.? She looked Alyn straight in the eye...

?This is my will, and listen well. You will restart the Eidolons, and you will find my daughter and bring her home to me.?

To be continued...